Oh hell no!
by Black Padfoot
Summary: Our favourite darling (note sarcasm) Dursleys are now required to stay at Hogwarts for the year since voldie wants them... Harry's not gonna hold back... hehehe (ch3 edited)
1. Bad news!

**Oh hell no!**

**Summary: **Our favourite darling (note sarcasm) Dursleys have to come to Hogwarts for the year, as they are Voldies latest targets... Harry isn't holding back this time (wink)

**Disclaimer: **Oh come on! You haven't read enough stories to only see this published a billion times?!?! None of us people here own this stuff... J.K Rowling does... Chill!

**Note: **It is only PG for a teensy bit of swearing... nothing we don't hear in school anyway...

_**STORY:**_

The family of No.4 Privet Drive were all minding their own business, eating what could only be their dinner, thinking that today would be a peaceful night for once... No disturbances whatsoever.

But no, it wasn't meant to be... The doorbell rang...

"Yes?" asked the beefy Vernon Dursley rudely.

"Ah! Mr. Dursley I presume?" inquired a grave voice at the door, "May we please come in?"

"Why?" asked Vernon shortly, crossing his arms over his chest and looking mean.

"We have some... ah... news and I think it best if we only have to break it to your family once. Mr. Potter included."

Suddenly, Vernon spotted a long looking stick thing in the man's pocket and backed off from the door fearfully.

"Your one of _them!" _he shrieked, looking quite mad, "Get away from me and my family and never come near us again!"

"Petrificus Totalus" snapped the man, finally losing his patience.

Vernon Dursley went as stiff as a board, his eyes wide. Lazily flicking his wand, the man directed his stiff body into the lounge and went to the Kitchen to collect the other Dursleys.

Once they were all seated in the lounge, Mr Dursley finally able to move again, the man handed Harry Potter an official looking letter.

Curiously, Harry opened it and read:

_Dear Mr. Potter and residents of the Dursley household, _

_It is my duty to inform you that due to unfortunate circumstances, all four of you are required to spend the rest of the school year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. All other matters will be discussed upon your arrival here by Portkey as soon as this letter is delivered to you. _

_It is of the utmost importance that you put all else behind you and all come here, as this may be the only way for your family to survive._

_Sincerely,_

_Albus Dumbledore,_

_Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. _

"WHAT?!?!" Bellowed Harry, outraged.

"Boy what are you yelling about?" snapped Vernon Dursley snatching the letter away from Harry's hands.

Harry sat down heavily with his head in his hands looking almost faint while Vernon was reading the letter.

When he'd finished, his face had gone quite an interesting mixture between puce and violet.

Remus Lupin, the man who had come to escort them, cheerfully took the spluttering and incoherent mumbling of all four occupants of them room to mean that yes; they would be staying at Hogwarts for they year.

"Portus" he muttered and, telling them to grab hold of it, transported them to the waiting faculty of Hogwarts and the members of the Order of the Phoenix.

**Authoresses Note: Well, that was the beginning of it, I'll add the Dursley bashing in the next chapter... Thanks to all the people that reviewed to my other stories as well... you guys make my day!**

**I'll update ASAP since heaps of people reviewed (not for this story, other ones)**

**Review!!! and tell me what sort of Dursley bashing we're gonna see in the next chappie... k?**

**holds out virtual cookies for the best ideas... **

**(you can't take them unless i give them to you though... hehehehe)**


	2. Enter with a bang!

**Oh hell no!**

**Summary: **Our favourite darling (note sarcasm) Dursleys have to come to Hogwarts for the year, as they are Voldies latest targets… Harry isn't holding back this time (wink)

**Disclaimer: **Oh come on! You haven't read enough stories to only see this published a billion times?!?! None of us people here own this stuff… J.K Rowling does… Chill!

**Note: **It is only PG for a teensy bit of swearing… nothing we don't hear in school anyway…

_**STORY:**_

The family of No.4 Privet Drive were all minding their own business, eating what could only be their dinner, thinking that today would be a peaceful night for once… No disturbances whatsoever.

But no, it wasn't meant to be… The doorbell rang…

"Yes?" asked the beefy Vernon Dursley rudely.

"Ah! Mr. Dursley I presume?" inquired a grave voice at the door, "May we please come in?"

"Why?" asked Vernon shortly, crossing his arms over his chest and looking mean.

"We have some… ah… news and I think it best if we only have to break it to your family once. Mr. Potter included."

Suddenly, Vernon spotted a long looking stick thing in the man's pocket and backed off from the door fearfully.

"Your one of _them!" _he shrieked, looking quite mad, "Get away from me and my family and never come near us again!"

"Petrificus Totalus" snapped the man, finally losing his patience.

Vernon Dursley went as stiff as a board, his eyes wide. Lazily flicking his wand, the man directed his stiff body into the lounge and went to the Kitchen to collect the other Dursleys.

Once they were all seated in the lounge, Mr Dursley finally able to move again, the man handed Harry Potter an official looking letter.

Curiously, Harry opened it and read:

_Dear Mr. Potter and residents of the Dursley household, _

_It is my duty to inform you that due to unfortunate circumstances, all four of you are required to spend the rest of the school year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. All other matters will be discussed upon your arrival here by Portkey as soon as this letter is delivered to you. _

_It is of the utmost importance that you put all else behind you and all come here, as this may be the only way for your family to survive._

_Sincerely,_

_Albus Dumbledore,_

_Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. _

"WHAT?!?!" Bellowed Harry, outraged.

"Boy what are you yelling about?" snapped Vernon Dursley snatching the letter away from Harry's hands.

Harry sat down heavily with his head in his hands looking almost faint while Vernon was reading the letter.

When he'd finished, his face had gone quite an interesting mixture between puce and violet.

Remus Lupin, the man who had come to escort them, cheerfully took the spluttering and incoherent mumbling of all four occupants of them room to mean that yes; they would be staying at Hogwarts for they year.

"Portus" he muttered and, telling them to grab hold of it, transported them to the waiting faculty of Hogwarts and the members of the Order of the Phoenix.

**Authoresses Note: **Well, that was the beginning of it, I'll add the Dursley bashing in the next chapter… Thanks to all the people that reviewed to my other stories as well… you guys make my day!

I'll update ASAP since heaps of people reviewed (not for this story, other ones)

Review!!!

_**STORY: (CHAPTER 2)**_

As five of Hogwarts' newest residents arrived, a loud crash was heard as they all went tumbling to the floor.

Getting up and dusting himself off quickly, Remus Lupin walked ahead of them to the Great Hall after telling them to stay put for a second.

After he had gone, Harry also got up and dusted himself off and, with a death glare at the Dursleys, casually leant against the wall, his almost shoulder-length dark hair flopping into his slightly tanned face, which was currently devoid of glasses, showing his brilliant green eyes.

With quite a bit of trouble, the rest of the Dursleys managed to disentangle themselves and get up, that task being harder for some than others.

As it looked like they were about to say something, Remus came back out to them.

"They're ready for you now…" before leading the way to the hall.

Harry, though his casual indifferent demeanour didn't show it, was thoroughly pissed off inside…

Hogwarts! The one place he was free of the Dursleys, was now gong to be invaded by them…

This year was not looking to be a good one for Harry…

As soon as they entered the Great Hall, Harry saw that what seemed to be all of Hogwarts staff was there; Dumbledore standing in the middle of the Head Table with his eyes twinkling madly.

"Ah! Welcome, welcome!" he greeted them all cheerfully then went on to address the Dursleys; "I trust you find your stay at Hogwarts as enjoyable as possible."

"Come, let's eat…" he finished though did not indicate where they were to sit; there didn't seem to be any extra chairs at the Head Table and the hall was devoid of any other tables…

Clearly the Dursleys noticed this too as Vernon was soon to say, "Now listen here you, first, we didn't even give any indication whatsoever that we wanted to come into this _freak _world and them you so shamelessly bring us here through who knows what means and now you expect us to eat on the _floor!_ I will not stand for this! I do not want any of my family in the presence of _freaks _such as yourselves for one day much less the whole bloody year!" he bellowed but was soon silenced ad Harry lost his temper;

Without even bothering to draw his wand, Harry had them all slammed against the nearest wall.

"**Never** ever talk to Professor Dumbledore in that manner. You should be grateful we even _let _you come here in the first place… Do you want your family dead! As for me, I certainly couldn't care less but apparently others could…

When I was in your world, you made me abide my your rules, now it's my turn…

So you just shut up and listen! Never insult any of my friends… They're a much better family to me than you ever were and I will not resist holding back in hurting you the most I possibly can as I am now… Now sit down, eat and leave me alone for as long as you POSSIBLY CAN!!!" he finished yelling looking so powerful and frightening that for a moment, something akin to fear flashed in even Dumbledore's eyes.

Quickly conjuring a table in the middle of the hall, Harry sat at the end furthest away from the terrified Dursleys, still fuming but mentally berating himself for losing his temper like that; he'd learnt over the summer that he was in fact quite a powerful wizard, though he didn't like to admit it, he knew that if he lost his temper like that again, something far more dangerous could occur.

"Erm… well," started Dumbledore, in an attempt at his normal calm self, "Now that Mr. Potter has gotten that off his chest, I suggest we eat… Harry, when we've finished, I'd like to see you in my office please…"

The hall was quiet for a while and all that could be heard was the clanking of cutlery against plates and the occasional chatter from the Head Table. As for the Dursleys, they were clearly still getting over the shock of being forced through the air and slammed against a wall in front of a very pissed off wizard, and were just eating their food quietly, occasionally glancing up at Harry.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, the food from the tables was cleared away and as Harry made to follow Dumbledore to his office, Hagrid pulled him aside.

"Harry, I'd just like ta say tha' I'm real proud of ya; If I were in the same place as ye are, I would've dun' much worse ta them. Never doubt fer' a minute that ya parents would be real proud of ya, I am too…" he finished emotionally.

"Thanks Hagrid," said Harry sincerely, smiling, before promising he'd come visit later and making off to see the Headmaster…

As Harry neared the Gargoyle entrance to the Headmaster's office, he saw Dumbledore waiting for him, since he obviously didn't know the password.

As Dumbledore waved his hand carelessly over the Stone Gargoyle, it sprang to life, letting them pass. Harry had the distinct feeling that if anyone else tried that; they'd soon be in the Hospital Wing.

As they entered Dumbledore's office, both of them sat down, Harry on the comfy Chintz seats, Dumbledore behind his desk.

"So, Harry," began Dumbledore after a while, "I see you have found out on your own about your powers? May I inquire as to how?"

Harry, seeing that he would bug him about it anyway just decided to answer him with, "I got annoyed and blew up Dudley's bed" shortly.

"Oh!" answered Dumbledore, "Well I also trust you know the importance of controlling that power?"

"Yes"

"Good! Good!" answered Dumbledore merrily, "Although we are going to have to add an extra-curricular class to your timetable this year Harry; Defence Powers. Er… Is that all right with you? If not, we could always drop another of your classes so you wouldn't be too busy?"

For some reason, Harry was seeing red at this and showed it;

"SO YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT ALL BECAUSE SOME STUPID PROPHESY WAS MADE AGES AGO THAT SAYS I HAVE TO KILL VOLDEMORT, I HAVE TO GIVE UP THE OPPORTUNITY TO TAKE THE CLASSES THAT WILL GET ME MY DREAM JOB JUST TO SAVE A LOT OF SORRY MUCKED UP PEOPLE WHO SO EASILY TURNED ON ME LAST YEAR!?!?!"

"Well, I daresay you could always get into Auror training anyway… You're _Harry Potter!"_ Suggested Dumbledore unhelpfully.

If Harry was angry before, that was **nothing** compared to what he was feeling now;

He yelled, he rampaged; he blew up things and startled a lot of people in the castle before finally calming down enough to storm out of Dumbledore's office.

Harry slept fitfully that night, thoughts of the Dursleys, life and Dumbledore coursing through his head until he finally woke up to an enormous grunt.

Sitting bolt upright, Harry put on his glasses and quickly scanned the foreign room he was in for the source of the noise. Finally, his eye landed on what he guessed was the bathroom!

Wandering over to it, he found a sight no one ever wanted to see…

**A/N: There we go! Another cliffhanger! Hehehehehee! So if you want me to update faster, don't forget to review!**

**Anyone who guesses right what the noise and sight Harry found will get a clue to any of my stories they pick! But leave your email if you think it's right…**

**And don't worry, I haven't forgotten about any of my other stories! I've just been really low on time! (And ideas…!)**

**So review now!**


	3. Flying shocks!

**CHAPTER 3:**

Hehehe, I guess no one actually reads the author notes at the end! So since no one guessed what the noise was, no one gets the clue evil grin (for an insight to what I'm talking about, look at the bottom author's note of the last chappy)

**So here's the next chapter and you might just wanna read the author's note this time!**

Breakfast that morning was a quiet affair; the two older Dursleys keeping their mouths wisely shut, the younger Dursley concentrating on his food (A/N: Hope he doesn't hurt himself concentrating…), the faculty of Hogwarts behaving quite normally and Harry still in severe shock at what he'd witnessed in the morning;

After a rather loud and, in his opinion, rude grunt as an awakening, Harry had rushed over to see what had caused the noise only to find a rather nasty sight in the form of his cousin! And not just his cousin either; a … well lets just say constipated cousin…

Trying his hardest to get that picture out of his head, Harry decided to go flying and, quite abruptly, stood up and walked straight out of the Hall without so much as a word to anyone.

Unbeknownst to him, Dumbledore had persuaded the Dursleys to follow, to see the sort of life he led.

Grabbing his Firebolt, he eagerly ran down to the pitch and immediately mounted. After doing quite a few laps of the pitch, Harry decided to have some fun on the broom and started doing some loops and dives, similar to the ones he'd done in his second year though this time he didn't have a mad bludger chasing after him!

Soon getting bored of doing just that, Harry decided to try his highest ever Wronski Feint and began to push his broom higher and higher, past what he was sure was the limit of the broom, till he was at least over a hundred feet off the ground. Once he was satisfied with the height of his broom, he looked around for a couple of seconds to enjoy the scenery then quite suddenly, turned his broom and started hurtling towards the earth! Gaining speed with every second, Harry was having so much fun that he didn't hear the numerous screams and shrieks, when he was getting so close to the earth that most people would crash, he suddenly swerved the broom up again and after a few more laps of the pitch, dismounted only to find a whole lot of faces staring right back at him.

A few of the faces that stood out most for him was Remus'; filled with pride, Dumbledore's; filled with amusement and shockingly of all, Aunt Petunia's which was filled with… at this Harry was sure he was reading the emotion wrong; concern. But his doubts vanished when she suddenly rushed over and pulled him into such a tight hug it might've been able to rival Mrs. Weasley's!

"Harry James Potter!" she yelled when she was done hugging him, "Don't you dare scare us like that EVER AGAIN!!! You could've died for goodness' sake!!!! You may be some reckless abnormal fool but you still are my nephew!"

By now, Harry normally would've had some reply ready but was too in shock at his Aunt's behaviour to do anything but gape at her. All he could think of was 'Dumbledore must've had a talk with them…'

A/N: Yes I realise this was an abnormally short chapter, even for me, but I couldn't really think of much else to put in that chapter without ruining it!

**To answer Emma's question, yes I did include something about Diddy Dinkydums going toilet!!!**

**As a small clue for everyone, there are going to be some visitors in the next chapter!**

**Anyone who guesses who they are and what their business at Hogwarts may be will (yes, once again, I'm feeling generous) get a clue to any story of mine they pick!**

**So review and try and guess the visitors!**


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